Gin: Why Do They Make This Shit?

Goddammit. I have resorted to drinking gin. Been-on-top-of-the-fridge-for-several-years gin. Hmmm. Hold on, let me just take a quick swig. Yep, ok, here is how it is: a nice, sharp, medicinal aroma, starts with a fairly sterile taste of a fermented and distilled pine cone, and ...... well, what can only be described as a hint of isopropyl on the finish. Yes. Very good vintage. Very good indeed. I can feel the firing of synapses coming to a halt. I give it three thumbs up, six stars, and an A for effort. Tastes like shit but is unwavering in it's pursuit of the wholesale murder of brain cells. Good on ya gin, good on ya.

Have You Ever Wondered About the Word "Mart"?

Mart. As in K-mart, Walmart, MiniMart, so on and so forth. Yeah. I was just pondering the word mart today and it intrigued me greatly. I just realized that it is tacked onto a lot of stores' names but I have otherwise never heard the word used in any other context and definitely never on its own. Being as I can't have a cell phone at work, a quick Google wasn't an option so I was left to speculate wildly on the origins of the word "mart". I speculated all day. ALL DAAAAAAAY. The best my feeble mind could do was to attribute it to a colloquial de-evolution of the work market. Market to mark't to mar't to mart. This totally made sense to me. I'm no etymologist so I'm just doing what I can with the sad bit of brain stuffed between my eardrums. But, guess what? I was fucking wrong.

Archaic? Dammit. I'm wish I was gooder at words. Cha' feel?

Gluing Speakers, The Saga of Intergalactic Strife, and the Great VHS Concession of 2013

So, when we left off with the previous blog, I was in the middle of rebuilding a set of Infinity Sterling SS-2002 speakers. Again, I guess I must reiterate that it's not a rebuild in the strictest sense of audiophile standards since I didn't replace capacitors in the crossover or anything and I merely replaced the surrounds on the woofers, but I'll still label it a rebuild. I'm a rebel like that. Unfortunately, I didn't exactly document the gluing process but long story short, the $8 eBay speaker surround kit worked in conjunction with the recommended craft glue to rejuvenate these thrift find speakers. They sound fuggin' amazing. With really bright highs and a nice low end, they actually sound heaps better than the Fisher speakers they sit on top of. Actually, even at a fraction of the size, they weigh about the same as the monstrous 3-way Fishers. And as Boris the Blade would say; weight is a sign of reliability.

Completed Speakers Sitting Atop the Shoulders of Giants

With that completed and out of the way, it was back to the thrift store for me to find more pointless shit that I can hoard in the reading room. But what would occupy my time this go round? I thought long and hard about that. I considered tape decks, 8-track players, laserdisc setups, outdated encyclopedias, but a quick flash in the corner of my eye from a gold colored VHS box set caught my attention and ultimately sealed the deal. BOOM. The Star Wars Trilogy digitally enhanced and remastered in THX sound on VHS. Ugh. VHS. The fucking scourge of cassette based home entertainment. The absolutely abhorrent asshole of analog audio/visual reproduction. But, since I have all but given up on my Betamax quest, I figured why not just bow down before the VCR gods and concede defeat in the VHS/Betamax format war started decades ago. So, in addition to my $2.98 box set, I had to purchase a $6.98 VCR and my foray into the world of Intergalactic Strife had begun. Oh, did I mention that at the age of 28 I have never watched the Star Wars Trilogy? I know, dafuq right? I'll wait while that little tidbit of information sinks in. Never. Watched. Star Wars. Recently, I had watched an unmolested, digital, OG copy of a New Hope (Ya know, the one where Han shoots first?) provided to me by a friend after much guffaw regarding the fact that I had never watched a single frame of Star Wars. So other than that very recent screening of Episode IV, this was my big leap into the Star Wars franchise. 

Without much pomp and circumstance, I spent the weekend watching the Trilogy on the far superior and unerring format of VHS tape (note the sarcasm). I was truly impressed by the movies and how they hold up after all these years. For what it was, for when it was, the practical effects are fucking incredible. So incredible in fact that I found Lucas' digital enhancements to be disgusting and out of place. I see now why people of discerning taste looked upon me with disgust when I told them, quite proudly and arrogantly in fact, that I had never seen Star Wars. I will save you the hassle of reading a whole diatribe on my full Star Wars experience and I will just point out a few things that stuck out in my mind.

1: Luke is a total crybaby in most of Episode IV. 

2: R2D2 poops a third appendage when it's time to really haul ass.

3: Han is a bad motherfucker who is quick with the one liners.

4: Sand People will totally jack your land speeder up and strip it for parts if given the opportunity.

5: People continuously back talk and sass a man that can Force choke you until your trachea collapses.

6: Everyone got a medal of valor except for Chewy at the end of IV and that is bullshit. Total fucking bullshit.

7: Tauntaun guts are nasty but warm.

8: Yoda loves snacks and flashlights and won't hesitate to bust a droid in the face with a walking stick.

9: Luke is a total crybaby during most of his Jedi training.

10: Han is a bad motherfucker who gets cock blocked numerous times in V.

11: Lando Calrissian is the biggest intergalactic pimp to ever live. He also has the best hair in the galaxy. And that cape, c'mon. No one rocks a space cape like L to the Cizzle.

12: Being frozen in carbonite would suck. Like, ruin your day suck.

13: Being unfrozen from carbonite would suck. Like, ruin your day and vision suck.

14: Slave Leia: super smexy.

15: Ewoks are adorable. Even when they die horrible, tragic, violent deaths, they do it adorably. 

16: The Emperor is a big pile of pale yuck butter. What the fuck happened to that guy?

17: Admiral Akbar, you knew that shit was a trap. Didn't you see the meme?

18: I think I would have given up after the first Death Star. Something smaller would probably be easier to defend and have way less exploitable weaknesses.

19: Ewoks beat the shit out of the Imperial Army with rocks and rope. Adorable. Fucking adorable.

20: I want to party with the Ewoks in those badass tree houses.

And that's it, kids. I watched it, I enjoyed it, and although I kind of regret waiting this long to see it, the wait made it that much sweeter. Now, the true question is: leave it there or watch Episodes 1-3? Can you feel the conflict within me?

"You need some new hobbies," said no one ever.

Well, I guess I found myself a new hobby. Yep, I'm gonna try my hand at restoring speakers. Well, not restoring per se, rather just the process of refoaming the woofers on speakers. But this shit is still gonna be heaps fun, son. You might be wondering what drove this sudden urge to just randomly start refoaming speakers, and for good reason I suppose, I mean it is kind of an odd thing to just pick up out of the blue. It comes part and parcel with a sudden unexplained urge to piece together a vintage console stereo system. I'm talking about a full blown, ballin'-ass, woodgrain cabinet, analog dial, warm incandescent lit 70's era stereo component system. Oh yeah, I know, who doesn't want that setup, right? The only problem with building such a setup is the physical deterioration these components suffer at the hands of Father Time. This isn't an issue with the stereo receivers and components as much as it is with the speakers. A blast from some Deoxit on the switches and rheostats, and most components are good to go, but speakers need a little bit more help. The problem with them is the foam surrounds that serve as the speakers suspension become brittle over time and eventually crack and split. I personally blame MC Hammer. It was Hammer Time that blew out all of the woofers that had the misfortune of living through the early nineties. The end goal here is to buy a set of old Bose 501 floor speakers and restore them for my future ballin' console system. I think that they epitomize the the 70's era floor speaker in every way.

Oh yeah, the Bose 501. Sexy. So fuggin' sexy.

They are wood veneered, they have the beige/brown cloth covers, and they just look the part. But before I commit money to a set of 501s and fuck them up beyond belief trying to "learn" on them, I'm gonna experiment on a more modern set of Infinity Sterling SS-2002s that I bought from the Habitat store for $4.99. I am currently waiting on my surround kit to arrive from the nether reaches of eBay, but here is how the project is starting off.

Infinity Sterling SS-2002s. $5 for a pair. A good starting point.

Here is the separation of the foam surround on the woofer.

The 6.5" woofer was carefully coaxed from the speaker.

The old surround was removed from the basket and cone and a bit of isopropyl alcohol was used to remove the old adhesive.

I removed as much adhesive from the cone as I was comfortable with. I was scared to go gnat's ass on it for fear of damaging the cone.

Well, the saga will end here for now. Hopefully when the parts arrive in the mail, everything will go together like it's supposed to. My only fear is that I have to complete this task without shimming the voice coil because I am scared to cut the dust cover from the voice coil. That is the proper way to do it, cut the dust cover off, shim the voice coil so it is perfectly centered, then adhere the new surround. Right way, wrong way, my way. Guess which one I'm gonna choose. To be continued.........