Mop with some passion, motherfucker!

I don't know why this bothers me, but I can't stand watching people suck at mopping. As a seasoned veteran of the Flatware Sanitation Field (dishwashing for the laymen), I know my way around a mop. I have special chemical blends and mopping techniques that I simply cannot delve into due to a 70 year non-disclosure agreement with the Flatware Sanitation Guild, but suffice to say, I am a beast on the mop. Why do people insist on just pushing back and forth with a dirty mop head thinking that is going to do anything? Figure eights goddammit, figure eights are the key to success. And also a two stage approach to mopping is another key technique that I am able to share with you non-FSG members. Wet mop first, this allows the water and chemicals time to emulsify stubborn grease and funk. Then, after a suitable soak time, come back with a dry mop (or a well rung mop for that matter) to pick up the water from step one and hopefully wipe away the grime that has been released from the floors surface. That's it. Stop pushing a wet mop around hoping that shit is going to do something. And don't be afraid to lean into the mop to get up the stubborn stains, just mop with some passion, motherfucker.