The Uninspired Idiot's Guide to Bargain Bunkers

You know, you don't have to spend heaps of cash to be a well prepared wing nut with a ballin'-ass doomsday bunker. All these people you see on TV with these super reinforced, custom made, tricked out bunkers are just dummies with too much bloody money. You can do this thing on a budget, you just have to be creative with cheaply available resources. Besides, if you are aiming for discretion, having a full construction crew delivering a giant steel reinforced bunker to your property via crane just isn't going to cut it. Solution? Craigslist boats. Yes, Craigslist boats. Think about it. A modern fiberglass hull of suitable size is a water tight enclosure that will already be set up for daily life below the deck planks. A galley, bunks, a manually operated toilet system, fresh water holding tanks, lights, storage, communication systems, it's all right there in an old-ass boat that you can buy from Craigslist any day of the week for peanuts. Fuck, people are GIVING AWAY old boats that no longer run. See where I am going with this? 

First step is acquiring a suitable vessel. I would personally choose a trailerable sailboat somewhere in the 30ft range (this seems to be the size break at which the living quarters really opens up). Most boats this size will feature an inboard engine that most owners do not find to be economically reasonable to replace when they blow up. For this reason, boats with bum engines seem to go for a great price point. Now, once we have us a nice little junk vessel, I would go ahead and fiberglass over any hatches and deck fittings. Since the boat will be buried, they won't be needed and sealing them off is just a good precautionary measure. While we have the glass out, go ahead and build a hatchway tube that will rise to the surface and glass the whole assembly to the hull. In a perfect world, I would have the whole finished hull Line-X coated. That shit is bomb-proof and having the hull sprayed top to bottom would likely run somewhere between one and two thousand dollars (this is a mere luxury and added source of water resistance and hull structure). Now we are ready to bury this sucker.

I don't find it wholly unreasonable to think that one could rent a back-hoe and discreetly dig a 30x10 hole without rousing the suspicions of the neighbors. Remember, good fences make good neighbors. Once the digging task is done, drop the boat in the hole. Plumb a PVC vent tube to the surface, pipe the boat to a well water source, and run a waste tube out to an improvised septic tank, then back fill. Boom, instant doomsday bunker. The finishing touch is to place a fake tree stump over the entrance, and fly a flag from the exposed mast. No one questions the motives of a patriot. No one.