A Formal Apology to the Hipsters

Hey guys, sorry about all that disliking you nonsense. I kinda fucked that one up, my bad. You see, what had happened was, I had you guys confused with another subculture that I wasn't really even aware existed. I mistook them for you, mild annoyance grew to dislike, dislike almost grew to hate, all of this cast upon the entirely wrong group. All of that gobbledeegook was meant for the "Try-too-hardsters". Venerable foes they are. Often masking themselves like wolves in sheep's clothing as members of other subcultures. Alas, I have seen the seams in their Hipster costumes. Got those sneaky bastages pegged. Buying fixies at Walmart and wearing handlebar moustaches for the sake of fashion instead of irony. The shame, the shame of it all. Oh what's that? You rocked the Velcros before that Macklemore fellow? Sure, I'll buy that, you dirty Try-too-hardster. You bandwagon overachiever. Hipsters, you keep doing what you do. Do it for the irony, do it for the lulz. Step out of the dark shadows PBR in hand, Civil War brogans on foot, and ride that fixed gear into the infinite sunset knowing that you have one less enemy in this world. But beware the ones who hide among your fold trying desparately to fit in, buying their way into your lifestyle. Question the motives of anyone who buys ugly sweaters from Amazon instead of the thrift store and anyone who has reciepts for pashmina scarves from Eckerd drugstores dated anytime in 2012. But lastly, if they can't tell you exactly when something went mainstream, how can they say for sure that they were into it before it went mainstream? That's the silver bullet for Try-too-hardsters. Oh, and Try-too-hardsters, stop with the Imax 3D glasses with the lenses punched out. That's trying way too hard, even for you assholes.
Yours Both Respectfully Apologetic and Simultaneously Annoyed,
John Q. Pseudonym