Questions That Bother Me

1. What are dragon teeth made out of? Seems like teeth should not be able to withstand prolonged exposure to flame, but I dare not Google "incineration point of teeth" lest I be added to some kind of watch list.

2. Where did Paul Bunyan poop? I would hate to work on a lumber team with him if he is just running around dropping mega-deuce up in the woods. Even if you dug a latrine deep enough, I have to imagine that the forest isn't going to smell right for hours after a giant does his duty. Doody?

3. Why is there no listing in the phone book for "Scientist"? This is just stupid. Sometimes, I just want to consult a Bill Nye type character with my scientific queries. Shit, I'd settle for a Beekman type character at this point, just give a direct line to a damn scientist.

4. Why is there no hardness standard amongst turtle eggs? I mean, when I Google "are turtle eggs hard or soft?" and find out that it is a damn trick question, my goddamn day is ruined. Evolution, get on that shit ASAP.

5. Why is no one credited with the invention of shoe laces? Oddly enough, some b-hole has claimed to be the first person to jam meat betwixt two pieces of bread thereby inventing the sandwich, but no one stepped forward to claim shoe laces? What the actual shit? Jonn Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, whether you be in Heaven or Hell, know that I am on to you. Motherfuckers were jamming meat between breads waaaay before the 1700's. Quit lying, bro. Is it too late to claim credit for those shoe laces?

So there you have it, five questions that bother me. Have answers? Have theories? Drop me a line! I'll post any reasonable explanation. I'm probably just as likely to post unreasonable explanations, too.