Shitty Mustaches Are the New Cool

Yes, shitty mustaches are the new cool. You know why? It's because a shitty mustache speaks volumes about the owner of the face upon which it rests. I like to think that my shitty mustache shows the world that I am a hopeful optimist. While this abomination of accrued facial hair might be shitty today, who knows what tomorrow holds? I mean, I could wake up with a glorious Magnum P.I 'stache. You never know. It's all about the grooming though. You have to commit to a shitty mustache. You have to make sure you keep the remaining balance of facial real-estate clean, lest people just assume you are too lazy to shave. They must know that you are really making a concerted effort towards growing a real manly 'stache. Oh, who am I fooling? There is no hope for this damn mustache and it is more tragic than cool. Dammit, I wish I could grow a real mustache.